


The Chippendale Vampire Legend

by Fortheoneatopthecity



Category: Vampire: The Masquerade, Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22685032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fortheoneatopthecity/pseuds/Fortheoneatopthecity
Summary: All Derrick had wanted was to have fun at his friend's early Halloween party, but a chance meeting with a mysterious woman turns his life as he knows upside down.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	The Chippendale Vampire Legend

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was inspired to write this, months back when I first saw @mudbloodedslythrin from Tumblr, 's post https://mudbloodedslytherin.tumblr.com/post/187041075080/so-according-to-the-multiple-wall-calendars-in-the about the possibility the Fledging could've been picked up at a Halloween party! XD  
> I hope this was worth the wait and it's is funny.

It had been going so well for Derrick, he had just been having fun at Petey’s early Halloween party. Petey had thrown a Halloween party early due to that the fact he was going on vacation for three weeks with his girlfriend’s family who viewed Halloween as something only sinful homosexuals and communists celebrated.

But anyway, the theme for the party was for everyone to wear sexy costumes. You’d think it wouldn’t be so hard for Derrick to find a sexy Halloween costume on such short notice.  
But life hadn’t felt like being so nice to him today. Well, it hadn’t been very nice to him since his birth, but that was a subject for another time.

So, after scrambling around looking for a cool but skimpy outfit in his size in every costume store he could find in his area, he had found that most of them either were sold out of sexy costumes or the shop had closed down. With the party about to begin in under two hours Derrick had been forced to improvise. After cutting off the sleeves of one of his white office shirts and quickly sewing the cuffs as makeshift wrist bands, then realising that wasn’t sexy enough, he had cut out a circle in the back of his black suit pants. Give him some credit, he did wear a thong underneath. He added a few drops of fake blood down the side of his mouth and to finish off the costume Derrick then put on a cheaply made Dracula cape that he was surprised hadn’t completely fallen apart by the time he’d gotten it home.

Standing back from the full-length mirror Derrick could see he’d transformed himself into a budget Chippendale version of Dracula. Luckily, when he’d arrived at Petey’s early Halloween party no-one commented on that fact, either they didn’t notice or were being polite. Although, with some of the flirty compliments the single ladies at the party were throwing his way he’d thought it was the former rather than the latter. The woman who would later become his sire sure did notice, however.

Ah, yes, the very person that made this night and Derrick’s whole life go completely wrong. But at the time having this beautiful long-legged brunette with startling pale blue eyes walking up to him made it seem like his night was turning out even better. He should’ve known there was something up when he noticed she was dressed as Mina from Dracula but in a less sexy version than everyone else at the party and that her hands were cold as ice.

Looking back, the way she had smiled and laughed now seemed less likely due to her finding his improvised costume charming, but rather hilarious due to how stupid and pathetic it looked.  
But how could he have noticed when looking into those wonderful eyes made him feel so warm and lightheaded? It was like nothing else existed in this world but her.

It hadn’t been long before Derrick had followed her out of the party and to a sleazy motel room, which again, in hindsight was odd as she was a member of the Ventrue clan. But in the little time he’d gotten to know her she’d struck him as someone who didn’t often like to play by the rules. It was strange he even remembered these little details about his sire, as the memory of that night was more like a dream than anything. The why and how they’d gotten there was a complete blur for Derrick, even now knowing everything.

Once they were in their room, she had launched herself on him, pressing her soft lips onto his mouth and removing his cape. The wild kisses that followed only increased the warmth and cloud of lustfulness filling his mind. Despite his mind falling under her control there was a small part of Derrick still left crying out to get away from this woman. But it was quickly snuffed out when she had pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top, straddling him.

She had kissed a trail up his neck and whispered to Derrick, “I want to show you something.” He’d looked at her with confusion then fear when she opened her mouth showing the two sharp fangs.

Derrick had desperately wanted to break away from her and get the hell out there. But, instead just like always, when confronted with something horrible happening to him, he found himself rooted in place like a deer in headlights as she sank her fangs into his throat.

The sharp pain of the vampire’s bite soon faded, replaced with an unbelievable pleasure that Derrick no longer wanted to resist.  
It was better than anything he’d ever experienced.  
Better than any drug he’d ever taken.  
Better than any of the best sex he’d ever had.  
With his blood being slowly siphoned out of his body, his mind became drowsier and drowsier, it got harder to care anymore that she was killing him.  
Why should he care about living anymore?  
What did he have to live for when it was better to die so wonderfully in this moment?  
Derrick might’ve been willing to forgive his sire if she had killed him then.

He didn’t remember what it was like to be on the brink of death aside from the taste of the most delicious thing he’d ever had and blacking out. Derrick had come to hours later, confused at first, wondering where he was until seeing her lounging in a nearby armchair smiling at him.

The words that would’ve left her parted lips were lost forever when the door was kicked open, then a man with blood red hair threw a wooden stake at his sire with lightning speed, hitting her squarely in the chest, making her slump back against the armchair. Derrick didn’t even get a chance to say or do anything before another man, who was the ugliest thing he’d ever seen, slammed a stake into his own chest as well.

At first Derrick thought he was really, truly dead but when his soul stayed in place rather than being taken to Heaven, Hell or Purgatory, it soon became clear that he was paralysed. Even without the ability to move he was aware of everything happening around him.

Such as the fact the two men that had thrown the stakes at Derrick and his sire were discussing whether they should bother taking his bargain bin cape with them to cover his ass for the trial. The ugly one, who sounded like he really should cut back on smoking twenty packs a day, said not to bother as he’d be dead soon anyway. It must’ve been egg on their faces when the part about him dying didn’t end up happening.

Derrick wanted so badly to scream when the hulking, monstrous man in the trench coat approached him and slung him over his shoulder.

One of the things that really suck about being paralysed isn’t just the fact you have to deal with people shit talking you or your head keep smacking against the monster’s Final Fantasy Seven sword as he carries you or how completely at his mercy you are, those things are still really bad, but what utterly stinks is that you are stuck having to look in one direction the whole time. So, as this monster carried him down the stairs Derrick got a real good look at how fucking dirty and not up to code the staircase was.

Once outside he and his sire were tossed into the trunk and the rest of the drive was filled with the sounds of muffled talking, before finally being dragged out of the trunk and carried into a theatre.  
Derrick was getting pretty damned tired of being tossed around when the monster unkindly dropped him onto the stage. Why hadn’t they just killed him yet? The two men quickly sat him up on his knees and tied his hands together when a very pale, short man with strawberry blonde hair wearing a dark suit walked over to them.

Even though Derrick was stuck watching the people in the seats below he could feel the man’s gaze of disapproval on him, it was something he’d gotten good at picking up on throughout his life.  
In this case Derrick understood, here he was, wearing a Chippendale Dracula costume about to be sentenced to death. For what? He didn’t know.

All life came back to his limbs when the stake was removed from his chest, but with his hands still tied and Big and Scary looming over nearby, Derrick took the time instead to turn his head towards his sire. She was rolling her eyes as the man in the dark suit talked, his accent sounding like how people used to speak back the forties or fifties and to be honest, even though he really should’ve been listening, Derrick had a hard time trying to when the guy started talking about blood and Kindred. Instead he looked the crowd over, they were all different degrees of pale and some were just as ugly as Twenty Packs a Day Dude was.

But he didn’t have a lot of time to take any faces in when Old Timey Accent Guy suddenly said, “Let the penalty commence.” Derrick had turned his face round just in time to see the huge monster’s giant sword come down and slice off his sire’s head before her body burned into ash.

Again, Derrick wasn’t able to hear the Old Timey Accent Guy’s words as he stared blankly at the ashes that used to be a woman. What was the point, he was clearly going to die as well?

“This is Bullshit!” That angry outcry however did break Derrick out of his daze and he saw a tall strongly built man wearing a blue shirt and jeans standing up from his seat being held back by two people, a woman with bright red hair and a black man with hoop earrings in both ears. Apparently, with lots of the crowd standing in solidarity of Angry Blue Shirt Guy’s outcry, he might not die tonight after all.

And after reading the room Old Timey Accent Guy paused, then stated that he indeed wasn’t to die but be taken in and learn their ways. Once his hands were no longer tied Derrick jumped up, whooping loudly and walking around the stage, very likely making an ass of himself by well, literally showing off his thong clad ass to the crowd. Derrick found himself quickly dragged off backstage by Old Timey Accent Guy who muttered at first about how he ‘couldn’t see what Lucy saw in him!’ but then paused. Derrick could feel the guy’s eyes on his ass and then he’d grumbled a ‘never mind.’ 

Was Old Timey Accent Guy freaking kidding him here? Her name was fucking literally Lucy, just like in Dracula?!? Derrick was confused, why hadn’t she come dressed as Lucy or did she think it was too obvious?

Then it finally sunk in, these pale ass people were fucking vampires! It made too much sense, with how cold Lucy’s hands were, how easily he just went with her to the motel, how, when the stake stuck in them, it didn’t kill them. Apparently, these vampires had the ‘stake paralyse them’ rather than ‘kill them’ rule. He was in a room, filled with probably centuries old vampires, dressed as a sexy Dracula with ass cheeks showing. How they didn’t just laugh their asses off was a mystery to him.

The embarrassment Derrick felt was so immense that he almost didn’t hear Old Timey Accent Guy tell him that his name was Sebastian LaCroix, ‘Prince LaCroix’ to him, and that he’d be brought to Santa Monica to meet with an agent named Mercurio. He nodded like he’d understood everything and wasn’t wishing for death right now.

It didn’t help when Derrick stepped outside, he was soon greeted with the laughing face of a Hairy Bearded Biker Looking Dude. “Oh man, what a scene, whoowee! Then they just plop you out here like a naked baby in the woods! Especially with you still dressed in that stripper Dracula costume! Not exactly a great start to your great vampire legend is it now, Kiddo?”

Goddamn it, as soon as he’d done the job for this ‘Prince’ LaCroix, Derrick was taking the next bus out of LA!


End file.
